All Killer, No Filler
by Vashti
Summary: Buffy and Oz go on a . . . .shopping spree. incomplete, crossover with Sliders; ch 5 updated
1. oz shot the

Author's Note: (pls see end) 

Disclaimer: Josh Whedon 

All Killer, No Filler 

* 

_I'm watchin' you watch over me_

_And I've got _

_The greatest view from here _

Silverchair 

_The Greatest View_

* 

Oz shot the television. They'd been in the store for nearly three hours and he couldn't count how many times he'd heard those stupid songs. It was becoming a little wearing. 

"Loud much?" 

Oz turned to Buffy, walking up the aisle behind him. "Last time you complained I was uncivilized." 

"You picked up a hundred pound television and threw it all the way to the front door," she reminded him. 

They turned to the wreck. Oz looked at Buffy and shrugged. "Seemed like a plan at the time." 

"Well, it did get those nasty employees to listen to us," she admitted. "But tell the truth, you were showing off for me," she said playfully. There was a dark twinkle in her eye as she caressed Oz's arm. 

"Maybe." 

"Mmm," she purred, "you big hunk of a man!" she said in her best Blanche Deveraux impersonation. "Now go eat." 

Oz loped off, changing as he went. Buffy ignored the wet popping sounds behind her, as she pried a cell phone out of a dead employees fingers. "You really shouldn't bite your nails," she admonished the dead girl. She punched in the number from memory. "Hey sweetie," she said brightly 

"Buffy? Is Oz--" 

"Just wanted to let you know: Tag, you're it! Muah!" 

"Buffy? Buffy!" Willow stared at her cell phone and swore. The call had been less than thirty seconds long. 

"Was that them?" 

Willow turned to Angel and company. "Yeah." 

"What'd she say?" he demanded. 

"Tag. I'm it." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Probably that you two are next." 

They both turned to Spike who sat smoking in Giles' erstwhile chair. "Shut up, Spike!" 

Buffy sat next to OzWolf. "Mmm, how's Buffy's puppy?" 

Glazed-over, sated green eyes greeted her over the eviscerated body of an employee. Normal wolves didn't have green eyes, or ginger-colored fur. If he weren't so big, Oz might have looked like an exotic coyote. A contented sound rose from his throat. 

Buffy cuffed him on the nose. "Don't you dare fall asleep on me." 

He growled back a warning. Full did not mean sleepy. Actually it did, but that didn't give her the right to hit him. Rising to his full height on all four legs, Oz was something like a small pony. Buffy knew from experience that, even as a wolf, Oz was still small for his kind, but without other transformed werewolves to compare him to, a fat sleek Oz was something to behold. 

"Oh, did Buffy hurt Ozzy?" she cooed. "Come, let Buffy kiss it and make it all better." 

Oz delicately stepped over his meal, changing as he went. Sweat slick and naked, he cupped Buffy's face in his hands. "You call them?" 

She nodded, nuzzling his hands. 

"What they say?" 

"Not much." 

He nipped her jaw, growling softly. "Buffy." 

"Okay. Nothing. I, uh . . .mmm, that feels really--" 

"Buffy..." 

"A little distracted here, Oz." 

"Oh?" 

Her hands, until that moment, still and stationary by her sides, slid into his hair, grasping and massaging. Scratching. Her fingers glided down Oz's neck, down his chest and sides, feeling the play of his muscles as Oz kisses moved down the column of her throat; as he slowly bent her backward. 

"What did they say, Buffy?" 

"Oz!" she complained. 

His tongue found the valley of her breast. "Tell me Buffy." 

"Nothing! Didn't...give them...the chance. Oz!" 

He lifted her, pressing her against a large-screen, flat-paneled television. If she could have thought straight, Buffy would have been surprised by Oz's strength. But then, she always was. She wrapped her legs around his torso. 

"Too many layers," Oz complained. 

"Very uncomfortable," she complained back. 

Oz hoisted her again, walking them back to the customer service desk as Buffy dropped quick biting kisses along his shoulder and collarbone. His hips jerked involuntarily when she drew blood. Growling he stopped and, with serpentine agility, caught her lips with his own. 

They were still kissing when he pushed a dead customer service rep off the counter laid Buffy on it. With a gasp she broke the kiss and laughed, arching back until her head hung off the counter on the other side. 

"You're laughing. Why?" Oz asked as she brought them back down, working at her top. 

"You taste so good when you bleed Oz," she purred, looking him in the eye. She moaned as he pressed his hips into her still jean-clad groin. "Do it again," she whispered. 

He did. And again when she wrapped her legs around his hips. And again when she licked her tiny wounds. 

* 

A/N: If you're used to reading my work you know that I'm pretty good w/finishing WIPs, but I'm not making _any_ promises with this one guys. It's such an odd lil fic that I can't resist publishing it, but I'm also not sure if I can finish it. So you have been warned. And the title has nothing to do w/Sum 41's debut album title. I didn't even know until Karen of OzMIA told me. Crazed me. 


	2. hey peaches

For Tabitha Faith Rowe, my second biggest fan (after Mom).

*

"Hey, Peaches, your sweetheart made the nightly news. Again." 

Angel called to Willow as he left the kitchen for the living-room. "Police are calling it a massacre. Nearly twenty-five employees were killed, including the store manager, some time just after the store closed. We spoke to one officer earlier who had this to say about the scene:" 

_"It was a massacre. Whoever did this, shot them then set wild dogs on the bodies. Others looked like they had been killed by hand."_

"That was earlier this morning. Little is know abo--" 

"Turn it off Spike." 

Spike sneered at his sire. "Come over here and make me." 

Before Angel could make good, Willow snatched the remote from Spike and turned off the television. 

"C'mon Red! Can't a bloke have a bit of fun?" 

Angel and Willow ignored him. "They didn't call again, did they?" Angel asked. 

Willow shook her head. "What are we going to do, wait around for them to murder another store full of innocent people? I feel like this is our fault Angel." 

"Don't le--" 

"You're right, luv," Spike said, cutting his sire off. "It is your fault," he added cheerily. He got up from the armchair and walked into the kitchen. 

He could have told them about the call he'd gotten from Oz . . . 

"Whosit?" 

"Spike?" 

"Wolfy! How're you and Slutty getting along? Enjoying the body count?" 

"Very. Are either They there?" 

"Called to play mind games? Thought that was the Slayer's stock in trade." 

" . . .Why are you there, Spike. Thought you didn't like . . .Them." 

Spike had chuckled darkly over the phone. "Still can't bring yourself to say her name, can you? C'mon, what do you think will happen? You say her name and she pops over to wherever you and Slutty are having a shaggadelic good time and she stops your fun? It's just one little name, mate. You can say it. Just repeat after--" 

"Why hasn't Angel staked you yet?" 

"Guilt." 

"And she would." 

"What?" Spike wasn't quite sure he'd heard that last bit, vampire ears and all. 

"If I spoke her name. She'd come." 

"Now that's a trick I'd like to see." 

There was a pause on the other line before Oz finally answered, "Not until we're ready." 

. . .but then that would spoil all the fun. And Spike had the distinct impression that there was going to a _lot_ of fun to be had. He planned to be real sober for this one. 


	3. but quinn

crazysexyshort, peeps. sorry. more in the works. oh, and by the way, somehow this has become a Sliders crossover. heh, who knew?

*

"But Quinn! It's stealing!" Wade Wells screamed over the roar of the crowd fleeing the Californian quake.

"Miss Wells," Professor Arturo shouted, "if the choice is between taking this vehicle and our lives . . ."

"Girl, just get in the van!" Rembrant said, pushing Wade in. "How long we got, Q-ball?"

Quinn Mallory checked the device in his hand. "Just a few more seconds. Think you can get this thing started, Remy?"

"Sure as my name is Rembrant Brown!" The earth shifted under their feet. "C'mon baby, start for the Crying Man."

"The key's in the glove compartment." They all jumped at the new voice. "If you were wondering." A small man, about Wade's height, in natty clothes was sitting in the back of the van with a guitar. 

Wade hit the Professor. "See!" she hissed, "I told you! We're really sorry, uh..."

"Oz."

"Oz. Right. Um, but, we sorta kinda need to get out of here in a hurry, and . . ."

"Earthquake. Yeah. I noticed that."

The four van-raiders passed a well worn look between them. Quinn spoke up. "It's a little more complicated than tha--"

A fissure began to open just behind the back wheels. 

"Don't worry," Rembrant called. "The Crying Man is taking this show on the road!"

The Professor turned to Quinn. "How long?"

"In 5 . . .4 . . .3 . . .2 . . ." Quinn pointed the device in his hand out the front window. 

A swirling vortex of blue and black, shot through with red, opened up in front of the van. Oz couldn't be sure, but it seemed to expand and gently pull at the van. Which really didn't matter much since Rembrant drove straight for it.


	4. so let me

"So let me just . . .see if I understand: Quinn, right?"

He nodded.

"Quinn made this wormhole -- in his basement -- that lets you travel to other worlds."

"No, Oz," Professor Arturo said, "not to other worlds but to other Earths."

"So the same Earth but . . .different."

Quinn scooted forward in his seat. "Not quite different, at least not the Earths closest to the one you're from. As you get further away from your home Earth there are more variations."

"So more differences."

"Right."

"Ah." Oz took the water bottle Wade offered him. "Thanks."

She too took a seat beside Quinn. "Rembrant's really sorry about your bumper. He's seeing if he can get it fixed right now."

"And I'm reprogramming the timer so that the next time we leap it'll be to your home Earth," Quinn added.

"When are you guys going home?" Oz asked. "Or are you explorers?"

A look passed between the Professor, Wade and Quinn. "We're sorta . . ." Wade looked for a nice way to put it. She looked to Quinn for help. "It's okay, Wade." He turned to Oz. "Basically we're lost and, well, basically it's my fault. It didn't occur to me to mark our home coordinates. I was just so happy that I had pulled it off and . . ."

"You're looking for a way home?"

"Yeah."

Arturo got up for a glass of water. "Don't be so hard on yourself Mr. Mallory. We were _all_ excited by your discovery. Any one of us should have been thinking of a way home, but we weren't. And here we are."

"Here we are," Wade repeated.

They turned to the door because Oz did. "Hey guys, I found a guy who can fix the van. Q-ball, how long you said we have here?"

"Uh," Quinn checked the timer, "a little over a week."

"Good. My guy said he'd have it done in three days. Oz! My man! How's it going? Got your baby in the shop and jobs for all of us."

Wade jumped up and hugged Remy. "Why didn't you say so? That's great! Where at?"

*

"I _love_ nightclubs." Buffy turned to Oz. "Why don't we go out more often?"

Oz spun Buffy back around and nuzzled her neck. "You attract too much attention."

"Don't you like beating back the boys with a stick?"

"No."

"Spoilsport. 'C-call me . . .baby when you need me,'" Buffy lip-synched as she led Oz through the crowd. "'You don't have to worry. We can do . . .something.'"

Bodies parted around them as if they sensed something inherently dangerous in the way the couple walked: the men watched Buffy's swaying hips . . .and a number of women. Oz scanned the crowd. "What are you looking for?"

"I always look."

"Oz, darling . . .loosen up! Come on, this is about _fun_. Stop thinking about Them, about _Her_. We've got that covered," she reminded him as she rubbed her boy, catlike, along his. " 'If I was your girl all the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name. I'd ask who it belongs to-o.'"

"Spike."

"Um, no. Not really my speed. He's so . . .not warm-blooded. Ooh, but you are."

Oz pulled Buffy away from her prospect. "No. _Spike_. There."

"Now what's he doing here?"


	5. tending bar

revised...for your pleasure. 

§§§

Tending bar wasn't as hard as it looked.

That wasn't true. It was a lot harder than it looked, but Oz seemed to have a natural flare for it. Wade watched him as she filled the salt and pepper shakers. Where Quinn had dropped glasses and let mixes spill everywhere, Oz seemed to know where a glass would go before it got there and just which way liquid was likely to spill. Which was probably why Arthur had shoved a broom in Quinn's hand and banished him from the bar.

Wade could hear Remy in the kitchen fighting with the cook.

"You know, for a dive bar this place has some decent food."

Wade jumped a mile. "Oz! Where'd you come from?! I thought you were cleaning the bar."

"Done."

"Okay, then help me fill these up before Arthur starts bellowing again. I knew there was a reason I hated waiting tables."

"And we haven't even faced the long hours on our feet or slaps to the rear. Your rear," Oz amended with a quirk of his brows.

"Don't remind me. Hey, if you want I can come over and slap your rear for you," she called as he moved across the room.

"Uh, thanks but no thanks.

§§§

Buffy studied her toy from under mascara-thick eyelashes. "It's just no fun with a vampire."

Oz turned from the kitchen sink. He walked into the living room, looking down at Buffy straddling Spike. "What do you mean?"

"You cut them and what do they do? Do they tremble in fear? Do they beg for mercy? Do they scream and buck--- well yes, they _do _do that, but not because they're scared." She grabbed Oz's outstretched hand and let him pull her up. "No. They're friggin' horny! Look at him."

Sneering Spike said, "Hurts so good, baby."

Buffy made a sound of disgust. "See! Why won't they play fair?" she asked Oz, pouting.

"We're evil."

Buffy landed a well placed kick to Spike's temple. "Not talking to you! Besides _we're_ evil."

Frowning, Oz pointed out that Spike was more than a little unconscious.

"Yeah, maybe the kick was overkill. But, look, his hardon's going down."

§§§

The book lying open in front of Willow suddenly disappeared. "Hey!"

Angel closed it with a thick thump. "Give it a rest, Will. It's late. Exhausting yourself won't give us any answers."

"You don't know that."

Sighing, he said, "Yes I do. Come to bed."

Willow's fingers skittered through her hair, dull from neglect. "I-I really should stay up."

Angel crouched at her side so that he had to look up at her. "Willow…" he began softly.

"No, Angel…this is how we got _into_ this whole mess."

He pulled her left hand into his and laced their fingers together. "And together we'll get out of it." He kissed their fingers.

§§§

Buffy watched Oz lick the wound over Spike's eye clean. It was odd watching the long vampire cradled in Oz's diminutive embrace. "How's it taste, baby?"

Oz wrinkled his nose. "Like cigarettes."

"Doesn't he know those things will kill him?"

§§§

Grinning, Wade counted out her tips on the bed of their hotel room. "Over a hundred dollars! How'd the rest of you guys do?"

Clearing his throat from the single small table in the room, Professor Arturo said, "Bouncers don't get tips, Miss Wells."

"Oh…"

"We get bribes," he said with a smile to match her own. "I'll see your hundred and raise you three."

There were calls of appreciation around the room. "Anyone else?" Wade asked speculatively. "Remy? Quinn? Oz?"

Quinn shook his head. "But I did get beer thrown on me."

"What? How?"

"Some girl was mad at her boyfriend. Go figure, he ducked."

Remy frowned. "I thought you smelled kinda funny Q-ball. And chefs don't get tips either. But the pays not half bad. How 'bout Oz?"

"Six."

"Sixty dollars?"

"Six hundred."

"Oz!" Wade shrieked, throwing herself at the small man. It was a good thing they were both sitting on the bed because she bowled him over. She punched his arm. "I can't believe it!"

Smiling despite himself he said, "Bartenders get all the love."

She climbed off him, standing on the bed. "We are made guys! Between me, Oz and the Professor we have enough money for six worlds!" Her mouth slowly dropped open as she made the calculations in her head. "Oh my-- We have over a _thousand _dollars!"

Oz watched the celebrations still flat on his back.

"We should have champagne!"

"We should order steak dinners, baby-girl!"

"Come now we must be reasonable--"

"_Reasonable?!"_

The hole that had never quite healed when he left Willow seemed to yawn beneath him as he floated suspended above. It had taken him about three months after leaving the second time to realize it wasn't just the love of his life he was saying goodbye to, but all his friends too.

He missed friends.

"So are you coming or not, Oz?"

Oz raised himself up on his elbows.

"Are you coming out with us?" Quinn repeated.

"Sure."


	6. wade plopped

to Khassa, for making me promise...and Alexander, for being timely 

§§§

Wade plopped down across from Oz. "What are you doing over here?" she asked, pilfering a carrot stick from the jar on the table. She dipped it in a creamy sauce. "Ew! What is this stuff?"

Oz sniffed. "You don't really want to know."

Wrinkling her nose, Wade had to agree. "So why are you still sitting down? Remy even got the Professor out on the floor. The whole point of coming out was to, y'know, have fun, and I don't know, Oz, but you don't look like you're having fun," she said, waving the carrot stick.

"I'm having fun. See: fun face."

"Ha ha."

"You don't believe me."

Wade made a face of her own. "You wanna convince me, then let me see you shake your groove thing."

Oz frowned. "I think mine's broken."

"Oh please!" Wade got up, pulling Oz with her. "Let's go buddy, you're gonna enjoy yourself even if it kills you."

With her back to him, Wade didn't see the small smile attempting to split Oz's face. Suddenly he pulled her close and dipped her.

"Oz!"

"Wade."

"I didn't know you could do that!"

He shrugged as he righted her. Laughing, Wade let him take control

§§§

Pouting, Buffy asked, "Did we _have_ to let him go?" as Oz led her through the crowded club. Although one of the shortest couples there, clubbers parted before them like water.

Or like terrified prey, Oz thought. "Yes, Buff, we had to let him go."

"Why?"

"You were enjoying it too much."

Buffy frowned. "I always enjoy a little torture. Makes you wonder why I didn't join the dark side before."

Stopping suddenly, Oz whipped around and dragged Buffy close to his body. "You were growling."

"So was Spike."

"You only growl for me," he said dangerously.

Buffy didn't seem to care. "Is Ozzy jealous."

_"Yes."_ He dragged his lips over hers, pulling her body close. When he finally let her up for air, she asked, "Should I apologize?"

"Would you mean it?"

"Mmm…"

"Buffy…"

"What? I'm thinking about it."

Growling, Oz pulled her into another kiss, his fingers tangling in her hair. Vaguely he felt her nails marking his biceps through his loose t-shirt. As he pressed Buffy against a conveniently placed square column, nipping at her jaw, her lips, her ears, he heard her breath, "Sexual innuendo will get you everywhere."

§§§

Quinn glanced to his left. Then glanced away. "Whoa!"

"What?" Rembrandt asked.

Quinn pointed in the direction of his left shoulder. "Look over there."

"And what, pray tell," the Professor said, joining the two at their table, "are we looking at 'over there'?"

"Couple making out."

Dutifully, both the Professor and Remy looked. "Hey," Remy exclaimed, "wasn't there a world where public displays of affection like that were outlawed?"

"Yeah, ours. It's _called get a room!_" he called over his shoulder. It was swallowed by the roar of the crowd. "Man, I wish Wade and Oz were here to see this."

"Why," Professor Arturo asked with some disdain, "so that they too may feel intruded upon?"

Shaking his head, Remy said, "It's all right, Professor. You just don't get it."

"Apparently not."

§§§

Oz pressed on last punishing kiss on Buffy's lips before pulling back. "Be right back."

§§§

"I'm dying!" Wade waved her face with her hand.

"I'll get us something to drink."

"What?!"

Oz leaned in close to whisper in her ear: "Said I'll get us drinks."

"Oh." Wade pulled away, a little flushed. "Thanks, Oz. Bring it to the table, will you?"

He nodded, then melted into the crowd. Oz felt someone grab his arm.

"Bet you didn't expect to find me here, didya mate?"

Turning at the familiar voice, Oz shook Spike's arm off him. "Spi-- I'm not who you think I am," he said seriously, hoping that the vampire could hear him through the din. It was hard to look like you meant something when you were screaming it at the top of your lungs. Unless you were waving a machine gun while doing it. _Fresh out of those_, Oz thought.

"You're preachin' to the choir, mate. Just wanted to let you and Slutty know I was on your side."

Eyebrows coming together in the beginning of a frown, Oz nodded. "Thanks. I guess."

"No worries, mate. You'll get yours," he said with a grin before tipping an imaginary hat and disappearing into the crowd.

"Ookay."

§§§

Buffy grabbed Oz as he nearly walked past. "Hey, that must have been the fastest potty-break ever. What, you didn't see me standing here?"

A strange look passed over her lover's eyes. "Buffy?"

"That's m'name." The strange look didn't pass. "Oz what's wrong? Did you--"

"I just saw Spike."

Buffy's face lit up. "Really? I bet he wants to play some more." Seduction creeping along her skin, she ran her hands up Oz's arms. "Can't I play with Spike, Oz? I promise not to like it…too much, but he's so much fun."

Instead of a flat denial, cool detachment, or even anger, Oz appeared confused. "I'm not the person you're--"

Buffy took Oz's hand and kissed his palm.

He pulled it away. "I'm--"

Buffy closed the distance between them and kissed him.

Oz wrenched himself from her grasp.

"What is _wrong_ with you! Fine, I won't play with Spike. You don't have to be such a spoilsport, Oz"

"I'm not your Oz."

"What?"

"And you're not my Buffy."

Buffy bristled. "Like he--"

"Where I'm from, I'm in love with Willow."

The lights in the nightclub flickered then went off for one second

"Noo!" Buffy screamed, but no one heard her over the loud music.

§§§

Craning her neck, Wade glanced around the nightclub. The lights had just flickered but no one else seemed to care so she and the others could only figure it was a fairly regular occurrence. Or that the dancers were too self-absorbed to have noticed.

She turned back to Remy, Quinn and Professor Arturo sitting at the table. "I wonder where Oz got to."

§§§

be updated. join the Y! Group, Vashti's Stories 


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